Guilt Trip

Intro

Hey guys I, would like to introduce you all to Araash, the hero of my story. He is very career oriented but a shy individual, who hides his feelings really well and has lost a few important people in his life because of it.
He has learnt the hard way to open up and say how he feels about someone. He can never start a conversation and prolong one, he needs to be pushed to be engaged in a conversation, he definitely cannot take compliments and give any at all. He is a very protective person especially towards the women in his life. He is caring and loving as he thinks being loved is a boon. He is not a possessive person but definitely a Jealous type. He hates being lied to, no matter what the situation is. For him a promise is a promise never to be broken and once you are in his life you will remain there forever.

Guilt Trip

It has just been a few minutes since Araash  left, and it sinks into me that the kiss has ended. I am all flustered, thinking that I have done the most stupidest thing ever possible. It's really going to be difficult to face my husband after doing what I have done. He has given me complete freedom, knowing that I wouldn't break his trust ever, neither take advantage of it. Suddenly, the door bell rings, I open the door to my hubby who is home early today looking all pleased with himself. I try to get over the guilt of what I have just done.

Seeing him back home soon, is making me feel like a child who has just been caught doing some kind of mischief. I try  as much as possible to avoid him and keep leaving the room he is in. Until he senses something is wrong and asks me what's going on? He mentions that he saw Araash leaving in a hurry. He asks me to come and sit down beside him and tell him what's wrong. I try to tell him that nothing was wrong,that he had just got a call and had to leave immediately due to some emergency. But I had already caught his attention and he knew that something was bothering me. I,keep trying to avoid him, I take his black coffee and go and join him trying to act as cool as a cucumber. I decide to just try and avoid the topic of Araash and myself and start asking him about his work, the trick works only for a few minutes and he asks me again what happened.

"Did he not behave well with you"?? He asked;

"No, I said you know how he is so well mannered and cultured, I don't think he can ever behave badly with anyone".

"What is the problem then, did you both fight about something? And don't hide just tell me whatever it is you know I don't like you hiding anything from me".

Just hearing him say those words has made my guilt grow by 100%. I really regret it the most now. I have broken the trust of the most important person in my life. I just can't lie about anything in life ever , but this is not something I wish to tell anyone ever. So I just end up telling him, "No we actually had an argument, you know over him not being punctual ever. He was suppose to come here by 4pm and he came an hour late. You know how much I hate it when anyone is late, so I was pissed with him. And he thought I was just over reacting. So you know the entire thing got blown out of proportion. While we were arguing about his habits he got a call and he had to leave. So that's about it".

"Hmm, he said "I know how you are about people being punctual but it's ok sometimes,you should let it go". Right in cue his phone started ringing and he got busy.

Crisis averted, I thought to myself, but at the cost of lying which made me feel horrible about myself. I think me and Araash need to talk about this incident that just happened and how this needed to be avoided in the future. I think the ideal thing would be to stop this here and not make it more complicated but my heart won't let that happen. I think it's time to lay  down some ground rules for our relationship.

The Otherside

I am staring at the door, wondering what the hell am I doing?? I tried my best to stay away from her for the past few days, did not chat with her as we normally would nor called. But the truth is that, the harder I try to pull away, the closer I get to her.I end up just thinking more about her. This feeling which I have for her is blowing my mind away. I am so confused about everything in life right now and now the way I feel about her, has just enhanced that confusion so much more. I was in a daze of my own thoughts floating away in the confusing maze of my life , when she opened the door.

There she was looking as beautiful as ever or probably more so today, and some of the haze of my confusion cleared. I have been mesmerized by her chocolate brown eyes ever since the first time I looked into them. It seems as if she can see right through me. She has left her hair open today, which fell loosely around her beautiful face. And her lips I wonder, would they feel as soft as I think they are. She is just perfect, other then her nose maybe which could have been better. No one would ever guess that she is married, and has a kid. She takes wonderful care of herself. I am really attracted to her, in fact anyone with a sane mind would be. And it's not just about her physical appearance, she is also a beautiful person at heart. It must have been a few seconds since she had opened the door and I was shamelessly ogling at her, but wait a sec what is wrong with her she hasn't moved at all and has not even spoken a word. So just to throw her off balance I, wink at her and ask her to invite me in.

It has only been a minute since I have arrived and my phone starts ringing. My friend couldn't have chosen a worse timing to call me than today, to discuss about the job which I was looking forward to apply for. So I tell her to hang on for a moment and finished my call. All my attention is fixed on her, so I hurriedly wrap up my call and before I know it I have her in my arms. I just can't seem to let her go, so I held her at arms length and apologized for my cold behavior towards her for the past few days. For the sweet thing she is she readily took all the blame on herself and did not want me to apologize to her for anything in fact she was  ready to accept me as a friend. She  was just happy to have me in her life.

I was a fool for taking so much time to understand her, she is the best thing that has happened to me recently and the fool that I am, I was trying to pull myself away from her. She is surely not like the other girls I know, never demanding about anything. Doesn't ever ask to be called all the time or messaged. She gives enough space that a guy needs in a relation. And so I decide to tell her exactly how I feel for her. I tell her that I like her more than a friend and I don't expect her to like me in return. But I, just cannot hide how I feel for her anymore, and she should be the first person to know. I held and kissed her on her forehead and awaited for her response.

She has been really quiet the entire evening, and now I am worried that I have probably crossed a line,how can I forget that she is happily married and only wants to be friends with me. The truth is that I really like her and her decision wouldn't matter, I would always be her friend. I adore her for the women she is and the friend she is to me. I respect the fact that she has a family and they would always be her priority, I do not intend to take their place and will never let her do that to them too. I respect her husband for letting her live her life the way she wants to. For having faith in her and me and knowing that we would never break his trust.
out
I looked at her and saw hope in her eyes towards me and how much she liked me too. And it all just happened in a matter of  seconds when I experienced the most beautiful and tender kiss of my life ever.

Right then my phone starts ringing and we both had to pull away, the call was from the consultancy through which I was applying for my new job . They needed to meet me immediately. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I have to leave her like this right now. But then my career was important too and I was sure she would understand. I said my goodbyes to her and left  her place...

The heart want what it wants

It's been a while since we have had a heart to heart conversation. Our chats are only as basic as it can get. I am upset with myself for pushing him into something more than friendship very soon into our relation. Sometimes something's need to be left to time. If things are meant to happen they happen and if someone is meant to be in your life they would be.  Knowing this I, could not let things go on the way they were going. So I decided to ask him for my reward which I, had won in our bet few weeks back.  Of course the reward would be to meet him and then I, would change his point of view about us being more then friends. 

I managed to convince him to come and meet me for a few minutes at home as it would be convenient for me. While I was waiting for him to come I checked and rechecked my appearance in the mirror, I wanted to look my best today. The few times we have met until now, he has also had some complains about what I was wearing. I have always been a jeans & t shirt gal so I, decided to stick to that but wore my best top. I knew I was going over the top about my appearance but I wanted him to see me in a new light today. 

So when the doorbell rang I tried to appear as normal as possible and opened the door with a smile on my face to the most devastatingly handsome guy I have seen recently. There he was standing giving me a killer smile wearing his wayfarers and a tight fighting t shirt showing off his muscles and a ripped jeans. With my mouth hung open like a goof  I, kept admiring him for a few seconds.. minutes... I don't know. Finally he took of his glasses and winked at me and asked me to invite him in. Coming out of dumbstruck I invited him in and went to fetch him a glass of water. I, started to think to my self what is his game ??? I knew why I, was dressed for but what is it with him?? Clearing my mind of the scattered thoughts I came out of the kitchen  to see him busy on a call he asked me to hang on a moment, I was more then happy to get the extra few minutes to admire him. I was wondering how come I had not noticed how handsome he was earlier. 

Once his call got over,he came up to me and me gave me a tight hug and apologized for his strange behavior for the past few days. I was taken aback by his apology as I thought it was my fault for causing all the friction in our relation. I made a point to tell him that he doesn't need to apologise as it is my fault. I told him that I, understand that he only sees me as a friend and I am okay with it. I also told him that I really like him and happy to have found a friend like him. He replied back that he is also happy to have found a friend in me, but he has started liking me more than a friend. He said he doesn't expect the same back from me but as he did not  want to hide how he feels about me and decided to tell the truth. He held my hands and looked into my eyes and promised me that he will always be there for me in all my happy and sad moments. Would always understand me and be by my side in what ever I, decide and guide and support me whenever needed. He hugged me tight and give me a peck on my forehead. All the while I was struck dumb, today for the second time unable to voice my happy opinion. He held me at arms length and said that my silence is killing him that I should say something. He wanted to know what I felt about him and all that he had just said. 

All I could do was just look into his eyes which were filled with adoration for me until I did not realise when the distance between us ended and I experienced the most beautiful kiss. I was floating in the clouds of seventh heaven and hoped that this is not a dream. 

Dont Doubt yourself

I, am wearing that goofy smile on my face all the time,ever since I have started speaking to him. Its not that we have not had arguments, but they have been on the most silly things possible. We had a bet one weekend, on who will be on time when we were suppose to  meet next, as he is not the most punctual person. The winner  could ask anything they want. I had won that bet as he could not make it on that day, as for the prize I, decided to ask for it when the time comes.

Everything was fine until, one day I was talking to a friend of mine. I mentioned him to her and how I enjoy his company. She thought it odd for a guy to talk to a women without having  any hidden agenda (sex on mind).I am quite sure not all guys in this world are perverts. But then whom am I, to guess. Somehow  I knew it was not the case with him, as my heart was not ready to accept the fact that he could be like other men.But the damage was already done,my friend had successfully made me judge my instincts and got me thinking about him, now I have doubts in my head which needed immediate attention.

So the next time when we speak, I had to be sure that he is not playing around with me and being nice to me for his hidden intentions.It was a difficult task at hand but I, wanted to clear my doubts and at the same time, did not want to hurt his feelings by making him realise that I, doubt his intention's.

Finally when we did speak , I decided to ask him what does he feel for me ?? We had never ever spoken about emotions so I, am sure he must have thought its really weird of me to ask such a question out of the blue. Being the nice guy he is, he gave me a very clear response saying that he likes me and is aware that I, am committed  and have a beautiful child period. He just considers me a "Good Friend" but then why was I, not happy with that response is beyond me.?? Its just weird that what I, had been always looking for was finally found and I wasn't happy about it anymore.

I don't want to have an  extra marital affair with him for sure as I,am really content with my married life. but is it wrong on my part if I, want that someone special who likes Me and makes Me smile all the time and makes me forget all the life tensions for sometime. Will I, be wrong if I, like someone more than a Friend?

With that question jumping in my mind I spoke to him as generally as possible until I, ended up asking him if I am his type of girl? Thankfully for that he did say yes and proved it to me by reminding me how  a few days back he came home to meet me first rather then going for his work. I was ecstatic hearing his response but then by that time he had started to doubt  about the direction of my feelings towards him. The next request he made to me made me see red. Apparently he wanted me to introduce him  to a friend of mine, and as expected I, fell right into his trap and said yes trying as much as possible  to hide the jealousy I felt.

Unfortunately for me he sensed my wayward thoughts about him and started pulling back. I just hope he doesn't pull back so much that it will be difficult to deal with. I have been avoided by him for the first time since we started chatting. Its been more then a day  now, and have been asked to be patient and give him some time. 

Have been waiting for few days now and running low on patience wondering what next......
I, am wearing that goofy smile on my face all the time,ever since I have started speaking to him. Its not that we have not had arguments, but they have been on the most silly things possible. We had a bet one weekend, on who will be on time when we were suppose to  meet next, as he is not the most punctual person. The winner  could ask anything they want. I had won that bet as he could not make it on that day, as for the prize I, decided to ask for it when the time comes.

Everything was fine until, one day I was talking to a friend of mine. I mentioned him to her and how I enjoy his company. She thought it odd for a guy to talk to a women without having  any hidden agenda (sex on mind).I am quite sure not all guys in this world are perverts. But then whom am I, to guess. Somehow  I knew it was not the case with him, as my heart was not ready to accept the fact that he could be like other men.But the damage was already done,my friend had successfully made me judge my instincts and got me thinking about him, now I have doubts in my head which needed immediate attention.

So the next time when we speak, I had to be sure that he is not playing around with me and being nice to me for his hidden intentions.It was a difficult task at hand but I, wanted to clear my doubts and at the same time, did not want to hurt his feelings by making him realise that I, doubt his intention's.

Finally when we did speak , I decided to ask him what does he feel for me ?? We had never ever spoken about emotions so I, am sure he must have thought its really weird of me to ask such a question out of the blue. Being the nice guy he is, he gave me a very clear response saying that he likes me and is aware that I, am committed  and have a beautiful child period. He just considers me a "Good Friend" but then why was I, not happy with that response is beyond me.?? Its just weird that what I, had been always looking for was finally found and I wasn't happy about it anymore.

I don't want to have an  extra marital affair with him for sure as I,am really content with my married life. but is it wrong on my part if I, want that someone special who likes Me and makes Me smile all the time and makes me forget all the life tensions for sometime. Will I, be wrong if I, like someone more than a Friend?

With that question jumping in my mind I spoke to him as generally as possible until I, ended up asking him if I am his type of girl? Thankfully for that he did say yes and proved it to me by reminding me how  a few days back he came home to meet me first rather then going for his work. I was ecstatic hearing his response but then by that time he had started to doubt  about the direction of my feelings towards him. The next request he made to me made me see red. Apparently he wanted me to introduce him  to a friend of mine, and as expected I, fell right into his trap and said yes trying as much as possible  to hide the jealousy I felt.

Unfortunately for me he sensed my wayward thoughts about him and started pulling back. I just hope he doesn't pull back so much that it will be difficult to deal with. I have been avoided by him for the first time since we started chatting. Its been more then a day  now, and have been asked to be patient and give him some time. 

Have been waiting for few days now and running low on patience wondering what next......